The Taming of the Brats
by alBBie
Summary: Ginny won't date until Hermione does. Too bad all the guys love her. Based on Shakespere's The Taming of the Shrew-ish. COMPLETE. R&R please!
1. Cuz if we Break up

The Taming of the Brats 

Summary: Ginny declares that she won't date any more guys until Hermione does after a recent horrible, heartbreaking break-up of hers. Hermione is a huge loser who will never get a date. This means trouble for boys like Draco Malfoy who want to date Ginny with the burning passion of a thousand winds. Do you smell some juicy deals wafting our way? I do! I do! Read this story full of drugs, alcohol, and stupid dumbasses. Based on as many Shakespearean plays as I can think of but mostly the little bit I know of The Taming of the Shrew. It's also kinda based on 10 Things I Hate About You which is based on The Taming of the Shrew so that would make sense, wouldn't it..

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of these characters (except for Bob). The main storyline is based on Shakespearean plays. 

Chapter One 

"That is it. I am through with dating! And I'm going to keep it that way!" Ginny declared loudly, stomping her foot in the middle of the Gryffindor common room floor. 

"Ginny, Ginny, calm down. It's okay," Hermione said soothingly, pushing her glasses up on the bridge of her nose and resting her hands on Ginny's shaking shoulders. "So one guy dumped you, it's alright. There are plenty of other fish in the sea Ð and none that are as assy as Bob." 

"They're all like that! I'm never dating again!" Ginny shouted, causing several people in the room to jump. 

"Ginny, stop flipping out, okay," Ron replied, folding her arms, "It's not the end of the world. He wasn't even hot or anything.. Just take a deep breath and wash your face. That always helps me." 

Ginny began sobbing harder. 

"Oooooh, Ginny," Hermione responded, shooting Ron a "Fuck you" look and handing Ginny a tissue. "You just cry as much as you need to, okay. But howbout we go up to the dorm, first, alright?" 

Ginny nodded, rubbing her eyes with the now sopping wet tissue. Hermione put her arm around Ginny's shoulder and led her upstairs to the girls' dormitories. 

Ron, however, stayed in the common room with Harry, who hadn't participated much in Ginny's rantings. 

"Ugh, I hate those brats," Ron told Harry, falling over onto a large, red armchair. 

"I know," Harry agreed. "And is it just me or have I just realized that Hermione is the hugest nerd? I mean, look at her clothes. She wears her skirt down to her knees while all the other girls wear theirs barely past their asses, and she has those huge glasses she's always adjusting. And will she ever do something about that gigantic heap of shit frizz she likes to call hair?! I mean, honestly. And she wonders why she doesn't get any guys.." 

"I know," Ron replied, rolling his eyes. "Thank God they went upstairs. If I had to listen to Ginny complain one more time.." 

"You don't know it Ron, but your sister's really hot," Seamus Finnegan suddenly said, appearing as if out of nowhere. 

"What?!" Ron yelped, hopping out of his chair as if it were a pile of hot coals and then cowering behind it. 

Harry started to laugh loudly and obnoxiously. 

"It's not funny, okay," Ron said, standing up straight. His cheeks were almost purple with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I seemed to have heard you incorrectly. I thought you had said my sister was hot," Ron fake laughed. "Silly me." 

"I did," Seamus replied simply. 

"WHAT?" Ron screamed again, jumping. At least he didn't cower behind his chair this time. "How could you possibly thing that freckled son-of-a-bitch is hot?!?!?" 

"Ron, you just described yourself," Harry pointed out. 

"TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!" Ron cried at Seamus, ignoring Harry. 

"Calm down, Ron," Seamus said coolly. "I'm just saying that you shouldn't let her not date anymore because that'd disappoint a lot of guys I know." 

"Gimme their names or I'll.." Ron started, grabbing Seamus' shirt collar. 

Harry laughed again, clapping his hands loudly and kicking his feet. This was too much.

"Or you'll what?" Seamus asked, unhooking Ron's fingers from around his shirt. 

"Well I like her better when she's not dating, anyway," he said, putting his hand down. 

"I'll make you a deal," Seamus replied, walking closer to Ron and lowering his voice. "You make sure she continues dating and I'll hook you up with whoever you want." 

"Whoever I want?" Ron inquired, raising an eyebrow. "Ha! Fat chance." 

"C'mon, Ron," Seamus urged. "You name it, I'll get it. Anyway, I really need this. You just don't see her hotness because you're related. But believe me, if you weren't you'd be drooling puddles all over her like the rest of us." 

"I know you wouldn't get the person I wanted," Ron said, waving his hand limply in Seamus's face. 

"Yes I would!" Seamus said. "It's not like you want.. oh, Draco Malfoy or something." 

Ron licked his lips but didn't say anything. 

"You want me to set you up with Draco Malfoy?" Seamus said incredulously. His face was expressionless for a moment, until his mouth broke out into a grin and he began laughing hysterically. 

"I told you you wouldn't be able to!" Ron shouted, thoroughly embarrassed for the second time that day. "Why did I tell you? WHY DID I TELL YOU? Jesus how stupid can I get??!?!" 

After Seamus had composed himself, he stood up and said to Ron, "I'm sorry. But, of course I'll hook you up with Malfoy. Just give me some time." 

"Fine," Ron pouted, folding his arms. "But how do I get Ginny to date again?" 

"Tell her there are other fish in the sea, yadda yadda yadda, and all that shit," Seamus said, walking towards the portrait hole.

"We've tried that already," Ron explained. 

"Well do everything you can think of! Make her deals you won't pull through with! Bribe her! Make out with her! I don't know, just do it!" Seamus answered, crawling through the hole. 

And Ron was left there to ponder in his misery, wishing that he'd never told Seamus a thing.. Or, better yet, that Ginny had never gone and gotten herself dumped in the first place. Why did his life suck? 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Breath with me, Ginny," Hermione replied, smoothing down her skirt so it covered her knees nicely. "In through the nose and out through the mouth. Ready? Okay.." 

"Hold it right there," Harry said, bursting through the door. 

"What is it?!" Hermione asked jumping up and hitting her head on the canopy of the bed, causing her glasses to fall of and one of the lenses to pop out onto the floor. "Oh damn!" she bent down and picked up the pieces, Harry's incessant laughter ringing in her ears. 

Ron stepped in behind his cackling friend. "Ginny, we wanted to talk to you," he said, ignoring Harry. "We think it's ridiculous of you to stop dating. It's one of your favorite pastimes! Why waste that because of one stupid boy? This is probably what Bob wants you to do. Don't you just want to make him mad?

Ginny shrugged and then said. "Oh, I don't care! I'll make him happy! I never want to feel this pain again!" 

"The best way to heal this wound is with another boyfriend," Ron explained in the kindest voice he could muster. "Come on, Ginny." 

"NO!" she screeched, throwing a book at Ron and hitting him square in the nose. A small stream of blood trickled down over his lips. 

"Howbout this, Ginny," Harry said, stepping in. He tried not to laugh when he glanced over at Hermione working on her glasses with her dorky little repair kit. "We'll make you a deal. You won't date until Hermione does.

Ginny thought for a moment. Hermione would never get a boyfriend, so that meant that she would never have to have one either. It seemed like a flawless plan to her. "Sure," she replied, slightly reluctantly, glancing over at Hermione to make sure her feelings weren't hurt because of this. She had yet to realize she was a loser. But, she was completely oblivious to any conversation. 

"Alright!" Harry said, patting himself on the back. 

Ron hit the back of Harry's head. "Are you mental?" he asked, through gritted teeth. "Hermione's never going to date! What are you thinking?!" 

"Well, it's the closest I'm gonna get," Harry replied, shrugging. "Sorry, bro. Better luck next time." He patted his friend's shoulder as he passed him and exited the room. 

Ron wiped his nose, shook his head, and turned on his heel to follow him out. 

What in God's name had he gotten himself into? 


	2. I Know That's What You Want me to do

The Taming of the Brats

Summary: Ginny declares that she won't date anymore guys until Hermione does after a recent horrible, heartbreaking break-up of hers. Hermione is a huge loser who will never get a date. This means trouble for boys like Draco Malfoy who want to date Ginny with the burning passion of a thousand winds. Do you smell some juicy deals wafting our way? I do! I do! Read this story full of drugs, alcohol, and stupid dumbasses. Based on as many Shakespearean plays as I can think of but mostly the little bit I know of The Taming of the Shrew. It's also kinda based on 10 Things I Hate About You which is based on The Taming of the Shrew so that would make sense, wouldn't it..

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of these characters (except for Bob). The main storyline is based on Shakespearean plays.

Chapter Two 

"Hey, Malfoy," Seamus called, jogging up to the greasy, blond boy. 

"What, Finnigan?" Malfoy asked, annoyed. "Better make it quick because I haven't got all day.

"Guess who has the hots for you?" Seamus replied, casually glancing at his fingernails. He was so proud of himself for having this valuable information for someone like Draco Malfoy, the king of blackmail. 

Now, Draco knew perfectly well who he wanted to have the hots for him. He had had the hugest crush on Ginny Weasley ever since he had first laid his shimmering gray eyes on her, even though it was forbidden. Slytherins and Gryffindors had been rivals forever, and to like an enemy simply was out of the question.   
  


Without thinking, though, he burst out, "Weasley!?" A horrible feeling of regret entered the pit of his stomach as a result. "Shit, did I just say that outloud?" 

Seamus laughed demonically before replying, "How wonderful that you like your crush back! So, you're coming out of the closet also?" 

"WHAT?!" Draco screamed, horrified. "GINNY WEASLEY'S A MAN?!?!?!?!" 

"No, dumbass!" Seamus shouted, slapping his hand on his forehead. "Ron Weasley has the hots for you! God, you really are stupid!" 

Draco could feel his cheeks burning for one of the few times they ever had in his life. God, he really was acting stupid! That thinking before he spoke thing that Father talked about was really something he should seriously look into..

Draco thought for a moment and then responded with, "Ron Weasley's gay?! And he has a crush on _me_?! But I was a complete asswipe to him my whole life! And we're rivals! Jesus Christ..this is not happening.. Aw, man!" he whined. "We gotta do something about this." 

"Well," Seamus said, slightly irritated that this conversation wasn't going completely according to plan. "You see, could you just go out on one date with Ron? DON'T SAY ANYTHING YET! I know you're rivals or enemies or whatever, but you could forget about the rules and boundaries just this once. We could make peace between the warring groups. And, well, it's just that I kind of promised him that you would go out with him if he made sure that Ginny continued dating after her recent breakup with Bob.." 

"Ok, Weasley (Ron) might be a major homo, but that doesn't mean I am!" Draco shouted, stomping his foot. 

"Please, Malfoy! Please oh please oh please oh please oh please!!!!!!! Just this one thing! I'll do anything! I swear!" Seamus begged, getting on his hands and knees. 

"Oh, get up you fool," Malfoy answered, pulling Seamus to his feet by his shirt collar. "Why don't you just make sure that he changes Ginny's mind before he goes out with me, or whatever, and then the work is already done with Ginny and can't be undone." 

Seamus sighed. Something inside him told him that that might not exactly happen. "Fine," he replied reluctantly. "But if I wake up tomorrow with a slit throat, I'm blaming it on you, Malfoy." Seamus added grimly. 

"Finnigan, if your throat gets slit, you die," Malfoy said, turning on his heel and strolling off. When he was a few feet away, he turned back around and said cheerfully to Seamus, "Ta ta, love," And tipped an imaginary hat. 

"Fuck it!" Seamus whispered loudly when Malfoy turned the corner. He kicked a suit of armor that was gleaming obnoxiously to his left. The suit of armor proceeded to punch Seamus particularly hard on his face. It hurt like a mother fucker because it was metal. "AND FUCK YOU, TOO!" Seamus sped off before the suit of armor could react to his insult. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

"What just happened?" Hermoine asked, fitting her large, round glasses back onto her face. She picked up a book of hers off of the floor. "Why does my book have blood on it?" she sniffed the blood. "It's Ron's blood. What did you do to him?!" Hermione suddenly became very worried. 

"He was being an ass so I tossed the book to him," Ginny replied, paying great attention to her nail filling. "He missed," she added, glancing breifly at Hermione. 

Hermione made a noise that sounded like a cross between a pout, a sneeze, and a squeal. 

"I beg your pardon?" Ginny asked, looking up and resting the nail file on Hermione's dresser. They had gone to her bedroom to console Ginny. It was bigger. 

"Ugh, whatever," Hermione said, sighing. "Anyway, what were you guys talking about before? While I was working on my glasses.." 

"Oh, we just made an agreement that I wouldn't date until you did," Ginny answered nonchalantly. 

"WHAT?!" Hermione squeaked. "But why me? Ohmygod that puts so much pressure on me! I thought you didn't want to date at all, though? So why me? And why this unusual bet? This is so odd.." Hermione stared at the wall, eyebrows furrowed. 

"It's because you're never going to get a boyfriend so I don't ever have to date," Ginny explained, not giving a shit about Hermione's feelings. She had made another comment that suggested that she was in love with Ginny's brother (she was offended and concerned that Ginny had thrown a book at him) and that creeped the shit out of her. And besides, Hermione was the hugest freak in the universe. Not even her nerdy-ass brother would go out with her! 

"Oh," Hermione responded, clearly not paying attention. Her head was in the clouds..again..

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Man, this is fucking serious. Seamus is gonna be SO FUCKING PISSED OFF!!!!" Ron cried, ending his paces around the room by punching his pillow violently, causing feathers to spew everywhere. 

Harry got up and danced among the feathers. It was like rain! Only lighter..and hairier..

"About what?" a voice asked from the doorway. 

Ron spun around. SHIT IT WAS SEAMUS! WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE GOING TO DO?!?!??!?!

Harry glanced towards the door. Oh, it was Seamus. So he'll get in a fight with Ron. Big deal. Did he give a rat's fucking ass? Not a wee bit. 

"Uhh..hi..S-s-s-s-s-eam-m-m-mus-s-s-s-s.." Ron stammered horribly and uncontrollably. "S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-shit-t-t-t-t-t-t-t wh-a-a-a-a-a-at t-t-t-t-t-t-the fuc-c-c-c-c-c-c-k-k-k-k-k-k is wr-o-o-o-o-o-o-ong-g-g-g-g-g-g-g with m-m-m-m-m-my voic-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-ce?

"Dude, that's awesome!" Harry said, pausing in his feather dance. 

"So, what'll I be so pissed about?" Seamus inquired, sitting down on his bed and crossing his arms. "C'mon, I bet I won't be pissed. Just tell me. Oh, and you can stop that stuttering. It's freaking annoying, man!" 

"Ok-k-k-kay.. I'll try as b-b-b-b-est I c-c-can.." Ron replied. He cleared his throat for a solid minute. "Okay, I'm fine n-now- whoops! Besides that one! Okay, just a little slip-up-" 

"Get on with it, for God's sake!" Harry shouted. "I'm ready for the mud-wrestling sequence." 

"Okay," Ron said for the fitieth time in this useless story. "Well, Harry made the mistake of suggesting to Ginny that she not date until Hermione does. Obviously, she agreed, and Hermione would never get a guy if she and one were the last two people on earth, so, I don't know what we're going to do. And I understand if you don't want to hook me up with..you-know-who.." 

"You have a crush on Voldemort?!" Harry screamed. "My worst enemy?! How dare you! You..you..you..BASTARD!" 

"No!" Ron exclaimed, thouroughly exasperated. He waved his hand in Harry's face. Did Harry even have a brain? "You-know-who is just a..codename for someone.." 

Seamus raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Clearly, Ron wasn't as open about his sexuality as he had thought. He could have fun with this..

And, better yet, he said it would be fine if they dropped the deal..that meant that all he had to do was find a date for Hermione and then he'd have Ginny to himself..meanwhile, he didn't have to do a thing for Ron Weasley. Heh, heh..this was getting interesting already..

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

What? Had Lavender Brown just heard what she thought she had correctly? She was just strolling through the corridors, minding her own business, when suddenly she heard someone scream "GINNY WEASLEY'S A MAN?!?!?!?!" very loudly. Was this true? Ginny Weasley was a crossdresser- or, better yet, a transgender? Ooooh..this was good..very good..

She ran through the halls and back to her dormitory to tell her best friend, Parvati Patil. She was so excited as she jumped through the portrait hole and dashed through the common room, that she carelessly started up the boys' staircase instead of the girls'. When she reached the top, she heard Harry Potter's distinct voice shout "You have a crush on Voldemort?!?!?!?!" 

Could this possibly get any better?! Ginny was a transgender and someone in the boys' dorm was in love with an evil villain- it was her own soap opera right here in Hogwarts..ooooh baby..and it had just begun..

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

A/N: okay, so this isn't exactly like the Taming of the Shrew or anything. Truthfully, what I know of that story comes from 10 Things and some Broadway musical I saw that was a version of it. So, yeah. And anyway, even tho this is chapter 2, it's really still just beginning ^_~

Did you guys catch the Romeo and Juliet thing in it? It's either gonna be really hard or really easy to miss..so, yeah. Ok bb! Read and review pleaaasse!!!!!!!


	3. I Got a Crush On You

The Taming of the Brats 

Summary: Ginny declares that she won't date anymore guys until Hermione does after a recent horrible, heartbreaking break-up of hers. Hermione is a huge loser who will never get a date. This means trouble for boys like Draco Malfoy who want to date Ginny with the burning passion of a thousand winds. Do you smell some juicy deals wafting our way? I do! I do! Read this story full of drugs, alcohol, and stupid dumbasses. Based on as many Shakespearean plays as I can think of but mostly the little bit I know of The Taming of the Shrew. It's also kinda based on 10 Things I Hate About You which is based on The Taming of the Shrew so that would make sense, wouldn't it..

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of these characters (except for Bob). The main storyline is based on Shakespearean plays.

Chapter Three 

The next day everyone woke up and went about their morning routines. Little did they know the crazy antics they would be up to just minutes later.

Well, the one person who did know was Draco Malfoy. And he thought about his plan as he got dressed and admired his sexy six pack in his dormroom. 

So, Draco, what is your plan? He asked his sexy reflection in the mirror. Damn he was sexier than sex itself. Hmm..get someone to date Granger..but who would like Granger? No one..except maybe one of those losers she hangs out with that pretend they're friends with her.. Not Harry, though. He'd heard him rant on and on for hours about all her obnoxious flaws. Besides, he was always too high to know what was going on. What about Ron.. No, he was a homo. Wait a minute! Maybe if he did a little something for Ron, Ron could do a little something for him..

Ohhh.. I like that idea..

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Ron Weasley woke up drowsily that morning. He was confused.. why didn't he hear anyone talking? Oh, God, maybe he'd woken up at 5:00 in the morning again.. oh, bliss. 

He opened an eye. He saw Harry's nicely made and empty bed staring back at him. Great..

Wait a second.. What the fuck? He sat up. Dean, Neville and Seamus' beds were all empty and made, too! HOLY SHIT WHAT TIME WAS IT!?!??!?! 

Ron jumped out of bed and threw on his clothes. Hopefully he hadn't missed breakfast. He sprinted down the stairs and through the corridors, tripping over himself several times. He turned a corner on the second floor, about to go down another, faster staircase, when he tripped again and fell flat on his face. 

SHIT! NOT MY NOSE AGAIN! He thought angrily, pulling himself up and feeling his nose to check for bleeding. Thank God not a drop of blood had shed from it. 

"Weasley, I need to talk to you, if you don't mind," someone suddenly said from next to him. 

He looked up. It was the man of his dreams, the man he thought of every night as he lay awake listening to Neville's incessant snores.. or maybe those were his incessant snores.. Anyway, it was.. DRACO MALFOY! 

Dun da na nun!!!! [victorious music]

"Yes, Malfoy?" Ron asked, trying not to sound too excited. 

"I was wondering if you were interested in making a deal with me?" Draco responded, eyeing Ron. 

"Um..depends," Ron said, standing up shakily. "What's the deal?

"Go on a date with Hermione Granger," Draco replied evilly. "The next Hogsmeade weekend is.. oh, this weekend!" Draco said sarcastically. "Just three days away, incase you've forgotten." 

"What's in it for me?" Ron asked, swallowing hard. Had Seamus talked to Draco about his little.. crush? 

"Well," Draco said, almost loosing his cool. He wasn't sure he wanted to make the deal he was about to make. Did he really want to do this..? "Um.. I have been informed of your little.. infatuation, let's say, with me. And.. if you do this for me.. I will give you.. a.. a.." Draco closed his eyes. He could back out now if he wanted to..

"A WHAT?!" Ron practically screamed, jumping up. He couldn't contain his excitement, this was too suspenseful! Ron knew what he wanted to be given to him by Draco, but he wasn't sure if it would actually happen..

"A kiss," Draco said, his eyes still shut tightly. He hoped that if he closed his eyes for long enough and didn't see anything or anyone, nothing or no one would see him. 

Ron's heart fell. A kiss? Damn! That's not even close to what he had been hoping for! But wait! There was still a chance..

"WHERE?" Ron asked loudly. 

Draco's eyes popped open. "YOUR MOUTH YOU KINKY HOMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU THIN I'D KISS YOU?!?!?! YOU ARE SO DIRTY, SO DISGUSTING! I COULD HAVE JUST BLACKMAILED YOU BUT NO, I DECIDED TO BE NICE-" 

Wait a fucking second. Why the fuck didn't he just blackmail him?

"Aw, fucker," Draco said, punching his thigh angrily. "SHIT! God, I am so fucking stupid. Man, I need some pot." 

"Well, is the deal still on?" Ron asked timidly. 

"Well, I guess I can't take it back now," Draco replied, taking a bag of pot out of the pocket of his robes. "I'll see you around, I guess. Meet me in that seventh floor corridor with that statue of that woman with that horse at midnight tonight for your.. reward. Then we'll discuss my side of the deal." He turned and strolled off to go smoke a joint. 

What a crazy fellow, Ron thought as he watched Draco's sexy figure dissapear around a corner. But I still love him. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

"Where's Ron, Harry?" Hermione asked Harry worriedly as they ate their breakfast. "Did you see him get up? Is it his nose? I can't believe Ginny actually threw a book at her own brother.." 

"Yeah," Harry responded vaguely. He was too busy thinking about how upset he was that he'd forgotten to have his usual midnight joint last night to listen to Hermione rant. 

"Harry, listen to me, please!" Hermoine whined. 

That's it, Harry thought. He abruptly pushed out his chair and fled from the table to go smoke some nice old pot. 

"Ugh, what's his problem?" Hermione asked Ginny who was sitting to her left. 

Ginny shrugged, her mouth full of bacon and eggs. 

"Ugh, this is too much for me, I'm leaving," Hermione decided angrily. She pushed her chair back and left the dining hall. 

Ginny tilted her head towards the enchanted ceiling and said, "Thank you," quietly. Now she could eat in peace without having to listen to Hermione go on and on and on about everything that popped into her mind and talk about Ginny as though she wasn't sitting right next to her. That's what pissed her off the most. 

"Hi, Ginny," someone said, taking Harry's old seat across from her. 

She looked up. It was Ron. 

"Did you see Hermione leaving the dining hall?" Ginny asked. "She was flipping out because she didn't know where you were." 

Ron rolled his eyes and snorted, helping himself to some sausage. "Yeah, she stopped me on her way up the stairs but I pretended I had a contagious disease and ran away from her." 

Ginny laughed. "Smart," she replied. "I'll remember that next time I want to get the hell away from her. She's so fucking annoying." 

"I know!" Ron exclaimed. "My God, I have no idea how I'm going to tolerate her this weekend.." 

"What?" Ginny asked. This weekend? There was Hogsmeade this weekend..but what did that have to do with Ron and Hermione?

"Umm.." Ron stammered, sifting desperatly through his mind for an explanation to his messup in his speaking. "I mean, she's going to follow me everywhere around Hogsmeade.

Ginny nodded slowly, not quite believing her brother. What was going on? 

"Well, I gotta finish up some Transfiguration homework," Ginny replied, taking one last swig of pumpkin juice. "I'll see you later." 

Ron nodded slightly, too busy drowning in embarassment to move very much. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil watched Ginny in awe as she strutted past them on her way out of the dining hall. 

"How the hell does she do it?" Parvati wondered aloud to Lavender. 

"I have no freaking idea," Lavender said. She sighed. "Un-fucking-believable. She looks so real! Or, he looks so real. I wonder if it got plastic surgery, or something? You know, that stuff Muggles do to change their appearance." Lavender shuddered. "To me it just sounds gross." 

"But her voice is high, too," Parvati continued, ignoring the comment about plastic surgery. "And her boobs aren't all stiff. And her legs and hips are so..curvacious.. and stuff. And all the guys love her! Little does she know that we know her secret.." 

"Little do they know that they're in love with a transgender," Lavender replied, sighing again. 

Little do they know that none of this is even true.

"What about that whole someone-loves-Voldemort shit," Parvati said, quickly changing subjects. "I mean, is it really true?" 

"Well, I definitely heard Harry scream something about it," Lavender told her friend. "And it sounded pretty real to me." 

"Wow," Parvati said, staring at her plate of cold eggs. "What has become of this school? Transgenders and crushes on evil villains. And that's just in one dorm! Just think of what it must be like for our enemies..the Slytherins.." Parvati hissed the words "the Slytherins" to give it some effect.

Lavender and Parvati turned in their seats in unison to glance at what was going on at the Slytherin table. Everyone was laughing merrily and everything seemed so happy and innocent- except the fact that everyone in that dorm was a complete asshole- but, Parvati and Lavender knew there was a secret. They didn't know what it was, but there definitely was one. Or two. Or maybe even five. 

Heehee..they love gossip..

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

A/N: Okay, shitty ending, I know. But, whatever. Now I guess there's more of a plot what with the Ron-Draco deal..what will become of it..and will Lavender and Parvati ever realize that all this shit they're feeding upon isn't even real? Who is the one that Ginny actually truly loves? Yes, there is one..

Stay tuned! PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!

*~~~aLie~*~~~


	4. It's Gettin Late to Give You up

The Taming of the Brats

Summary: Ginny declares that she won't date anymore guys until Hermione does after a recent horrible, heartbreaking break-up of hers. Hermione is a huge loser who will never get a date. This means trouble for boys like Draco Malfoy who want to date Ginny with the burning passion of a thousand winds. Do you smell some juicy deals wafting our way? I do! I do! Read this story full of drugs, alcohol, and stupid dumbasses. Based on as many Shakespearean plays as I can think of but mostly the little bit I know of The Taming of the Shrew. It's also kinda based on 10 Things I Hate About You which is based on The Taming of the Shrew so that would make sense, wouldn't it..

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of these characters (except for Bob). The main storyline is based on Shakespearean plays.

Chapter Four 

That evening the common room was packed full of Gryffindor students. Ron was sitting rigid in his chair in front of the fire, too nervous for what was to come just a few hours later that he could barely move let alone speak. Harry, though, was draped lazily over his chair which was right next to Ron's. He had just smoked a joint so he felt very calm and relaxed. 

Ron hadn't told Harry what was going to happen that night. He hoped that Harry would be too drunk or high or something to notice that he had left a big dorm party (they happened every night) at midnight. 

"BEER!!!!!!" someone suddenly screamed to the room, hearing a loud chorus of cheers in response. 

Ron turned his neck slightly so he could see who had just made this announcement. It was Seamus, what a surprise. 

"Sweet, man," Harry said getting up from his chair. He reached Seamus and tried to take a nice, cold can of beer when Seamus snatched his arm and dragged him off to the side. 

"Take a look at this," he said, taking something out of his pocket to show Harry. It was a huge plastic baggie full of pot. "This is that new kind I'm sure you've heard of. It's really strong and makes you feel awesome, dude- believe me, I've tried it." 

"Sweet, can I have some?" Harry asked, a huge grin spreading across his face. He had heard of it before and it sounded like the greatest stuff in the world. Just to get his hands on one joint full of it would be awesome. He reached to take the bag from Seamus but he whipped the bag out of Harry's reach. 

"First, you have to do something for me," Seamus said. 

"What?" Harry asked, annoyed. He wanted that pot! 

"Go on a date with Hermione this weekend at Hogsmeade," Seamus said, dangling the bag in front of Harry's eyes. "C'mon, it's mad easy. Just drag her to some restaurant and ditch her after an hour. It's not that bad. In fact, it's a great deal for all this pot." 

Harry was torn. Hermione annoyed the shit out of him, but this pot was legendary. It was a tough descision. 

Wait a second, if he had this pot he could have a joint before he went on his little outing with Hermione and he could float right through it because he was so high. Perfect.

"You got yourself a deal, mate," Harry said, grabbing the bag from Seamus and then dashing up the stairs to the dorm. He was gonna savor this pot and stuff it under his mattress to hide it from himself. He'd take it out in a couple of hours when he had his midnight joint.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Meanwhile, downstairs Parvati and Lavender noticed Ron sitting by himself in front of the fire. He looked a bit tense, but he was still alive for questioning so they decided to seize this opportunity and ask him about his sister's little secret and someone's mysterious crush on an evil villain.

"Hey, Ron," they said, taking the seats on either side of him. 

He made a small noise in response. 

"Lets cut to the chase, is it true that your sister is a transgender?" Parvati asked Ron curiously. 

"Sure," Ron replied, not really quite positive what he was replying to, but, whatever, it couldn't be that bad. 

"Seriously?" Lavender gasped, slapping her hand over her mouth. "How does she do it?!" 

"Dunno," Ron answered quickly again. 

"Ohmygod," Parvati exclaimed. "This is crazy! Are you serious? Ohmygod!" 

"Go away please," Ron said, staring straight ahead. 

"Well is it true that someone in your dorm has a crush on you-know-who?" Lavender inquired.

Ron was about to yell at them again when the words "you-know-who" struck a certain spot in his brain. Did they know about his secret crush? Had Seamus and/or Draco ran about the whole school informing everyone? Oh God!!!

"Do you know who you-know-who is?" Ron asked nervously, finally looking at the girls and snapping out of his nervous daze. 

"Duh," Parvati said. 

"How?!" Ron cried. 

Lavender and Parvati looked at each other. Who _didn't _know who you-know-who was?

"Only everyone in Hogwarts plus every other wizard in, like, the universe knows who you-know-who is," Lavender informed Ron. 

"SHIT!" Ron exclaimed, getting up from his chair and rushing up to his dormroom. 

Fuck, why did everything always turn shitty for him?!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"That's it," Parvati told Lavender when Ron left the common room. "Ron's the one! He's the one with the crush on you-know-who!" 

"Ohmygod!" Lavender said in a high voice. "Like, this is so weird! Especially with his best friend being Harry- aka you-know-who's worst enemy.. I mean, come _on._" 

"I know," Parvati agreed, nodding. 

Wow, things were getting so good and juicy for them. They were beaming. They had got to be the absolute QUEENS of gossip. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Right when the clock turned to midnight, Ron crept out of his dorm, walked inconspicuously through the common room, and out into the empty halls of the night. He walked slowly up to the seventh floor and to the hallway in which he and Draco had arranged to meet. He was nervous as hell and felt stupid that everyone knew about his crush, but hey, he _did_ like Draco so he wasn't going to let an opportunity like this just slip through his fingers. 

Suddenly Draco appeared next to him. 

"Lets get this over with, Weasley," he said slimily. 

Ohmygod! Ron thought. This wasn't really happening! It was too good to be true! He was about to make out with Draco Malfoy!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Harry grabbed his bag of pot from underneath his mattress and left the dormroom a few minutes after Ron did. He didn't want Ron to think he was following him or get suspicious or anything. 

He easily walked through the common room without having anyone stop him. The usual dorm party was going on and everyone was too drunk to notice that he had left. 

But outside in the halls was a different story. He had to walk quickly and extremely quietly so as not to attract the attention of any teachers that might be patrolling the halls- especially Filch. Once he reached the entrance to the school, though, he opened the door slowly and poked his head outside. 

IT WAS RAINING! 

God damn it! Well, I guess I'll have to go somewhere else in the building.. Where I run the risk of getting caught, he thought glumly, closing the door and starting up the stairs again. 

Teachers rarely ever went to the seventh floor- especially late at night, so Harry decided that was a nice place where he could go to smoke his pot in peace. He climbed slowly and tiredly up the stairs and finally reached the top. He breathed a sigh of relief and then immediately took it back when he heard a ruffle coming from the next hallway. 

Shit! He thought. I don't want to get caught now! Not with this hot pot and great opportunity to smoke it for the first time! 

He stood there for a full minute and didn't hear another sound. He started to creep slowly toward the hallway to peek his head around the corner when he heard a small moan. 

What the fuck? 

He walked faster, assuming it was just a few students having a little fun after dark. He bet that it was Cho Chang. She had become a real whore lately what with her inability to keep a boyfriend for longer than a day. So she mostly just slept around. 

So, he thought, nearing the corner, who's the lucky guy this time, Cho? Could it be Malfoy, maybe? Or.. maybe one of the Creevey brothers. God, what losers. 

He snapped his head around the corner and when he saw what he had heard he wished that he had never come up to this floor in the first place. He wanted to jump out the window and fall down seven stories. He wished he was never born because the most horrifying sight imaginable was what met his eyes around that corner. He had just glanced upon Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley making out. 

Oh. My. Fucking. God. Could. This. Be. Any. More. Excruciatingly. Painful? 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

A/N: okay I hope that chapter was good.. Keep on reading and most of all reviewing! I'll write more asap I promise!


	5. I see Your Face, it's Haunting me

The Taming of the Brats

Summary: Ginny declares that she won't date any more guys until Hermione does after a recent horrible, heartbreaking break-up of hers. Hermione is a huge loser who will never get a date. This means trouble for boys like Draco Malfoy who want to date Ginny with the burning passion of a thousand winds. Do you smell some juicy deals wafting our way? I do! I do! Read this story full of drugs, alcohol, and stupid dumbasses. Based on as many Shakespearean plays as I can think of but mostly the little bit I know of The Taming of the Shrew. It's also kind of based on 10 Things I Hate About You which is based on The Taming of the Shrew so that would make sense, wouldn't it...

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of these characters or candies I mention. The main storyline is based on Shakespearean plays.

Chapter Five 

Harry spun around and raced as fast as his legs could carry him back down to the common room. He didn't care about pot or relaxing or feeling good and he didn't even care that he was going on a date with the girl he hated most in the world the day after tomorrow. All he cared about was leaving that hallway immediately and getting that horrifying image of his best friend and his worst enemy making-out out of his mind forever.

Ron walked back to the common room after his midnight meeting with Malfoy feeling satisfied. He felt as though it had gone extremely well. He even felt like Malfoy had been kissing him back! What a wonderful feeling...

The first thing he saw when he crawled through the portrait hole was Hermione sitting at a large chair beside the fire, going over her Potions homework. 

Shit, he thought, remembering his promise to Malfoy. I have to ask her to go to Hogsmeade with me the day after tomorrow! If I just ignore my promise I know he'll get me back in the worst way possible...

"Hermione," he said nervously, walking slowly toward her chair. 

She looked up and slid her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

"Oh, hi, Ron," she said, gazing up at him. "What's up?

"I was...um..." Ron stammered. He didn't want to say this. Why the hell would he agree to such torture?

Because you got to make out with your crush, dumbass, he reminded himself. 

"IwantedtoaskyououtonadateatHogsmeade," he spat out quickly.

"What?" Hermione asked, her voice high-pitched. "If I heard you correctly, you were asking me out on a date at Hogsmeade. But I might not have heard you correctly because you were speaking so quickly." 

"No, uh, you heard me correctly," Ron answered unhappily. 

Hermione laughed and snorted before crying, "Of _COURSE_ I would! It's not everyday a girl gets asked out on a date, you know! Wow, this is so cool!" 

Ron pretended to laugh and then turned glumly and went up to his dorm to go to sleep. He fell on his bed and slipped into a deep, depressed slumber in seconds without even changing his clothes or brushing his teeth. 

Harry woke up the next morning and immediately knew exactly what he had to do: ask out Hermione.

But first, he had to ignore Ron at all costs. If he even did so much as glance at him horrible images would enter his mind and he would vomit up the contents of his stomach. 

He got dressed as quickly as possible and zipped to the dining hall. When he reached it he found Hermione sitting at a table, reading a book, there early as usual. 

"Hey, Hermione," he said, trying to disguise his voice to sound happy. 

"Hello there, Harry," Hermione said after briefly glancing up at him. "Why are you down here so early?

"Well, truthfully, Hermione, I wanted to ask you something," he answered seriously. He was actually kind of mocking what he had to do and making it sound heartfelt. 

Hermione looked up and put her book down. 

"What is it, Harry?" she asked, taking him seriously. 

"Hermione, I wanted to ask you if you'd go to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday," Harry replied, trying to make his eyes look full to the brim with emotion.

What? Hermione thought, hearing Harry's question. Now _Harry _is asking me out? This couldn't be serious. But it was! Two boys really did like me! I'm so lucky! I can't believe this at all... I feel so special... So loved! 

"Of course I will, Harry!" Hermione squealed, beaming with joy. 

"Oh, yay!" Harry cried, bouncing in his chair sarcastically. 

"Weasley!" Draco shouted, dragging Ron into a side hallway during lunch the next day. "Tomorrow's Hogsmeade, have you gotten a date, yet?

"Yes," Ron replied. 

"Very good," Draco said, walking away without another word.

Ron felt kind of stupid. He'd been so convinced that Draco liked him... And now he was just talking to him quickly and then walking away as fast as he could. Did what happened two nights ago not even mean a thing to him? Did he have no heart, no feelings? What was inside that pale shell? Whatever it was, Ron was going to find it out... And find it soon. 

"Hey Harry," Seamus said to Harry in the common room that evening. "You asked Hermione out yet?

"Yup," Harry said, smiling as he remembered the funniness of when he asked her out. "It was hilarious. I was pretending to be all emotional and shit, and she-

"That's great," Seamus replied, not paying attention to him. "Now, make sure she knows where and when to meet you, savvy? Okay, I'll see you tomorrow- before the big day." Seamus winked and strolled off. 

Harry found Hermione doing homework by the fire. She did that every freaking night. What a loser. 

"Hermione," he said, getting her attention. "I'll meet you at the Three Broomsticks at one tomorrow, okay?

Hermione nodded, smiling. 

It took Harry all the strength he could muster to stop from laughing hysterically. 

Meanwhile, over in the Slytherin common room, Draco was sitting darkly in a corner, trying hard to ignore the people who were making desperate attempts to talk with his Royal Popularity. Sometimes it was so difficult being king. 

He was thinking to himself and inwardly cursing hormones and the irritating things they did to you. He was a sixteen-year-old boy; he should be picturing girls naked every time he talked to them, not wondering about his make-out session with a boy who had a crush on him. The worst thing was that he actually kind of enjoyed it. 

But no, he couldn't be gay! He was the one who mocked gay people and made fun of Ron Weasley when he heard his little secret. 

But, he also wanted to date Ginny. He thought she was so hot and so sexy- he definitely pictured her naked frequently. 

Okay, so maybe he was bisexual. That wasn't _as_ bad. Because he could always just date women and hide the other half of his sexuality from the public. 

_Or_ maybe this was just a little hormonal mess-up, or something. Maybe this really didn't mean a thing and he really wasn't bisexual or gay, he was just straight! Straight as a board.

Yes, yes, I like that idea, he thought, satisfied. 

The next day it was time for Hogsmeade! Possibly the only two people who weren't excited were Harry and Ron, for they had arranged their dates with Hermione. 

Ron and Hermione had agreed to meet at Honeydukes at eleven to start their date off with some candy buying. 

"Ready to stock up on candy, Hermione?" Ron asked her as they strolled through the town. He tried his best to look at this from an optimistic standpoint. Maybe he could pretend to break his foot or something halfway through and he wouldn't have to be with her anymore. Or maybe she had something else she had to do that would take her away from him. 

Well, one can hope. 

"So, what kind of candy do you want?" Ron asked, staring at the heaps of candy piled upon the shelves. 

"I don't know- I like them all," Hermione answered with a giggle. 

She has a cute giggle, Ron thought. WHAT THE HELL? Shut up, Ron!

"Well, I love Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans," Ron said, taking a box off a shelf. 

"I don't like those so much," Hermione said, wrinkling her nose. "I think I got a pepper-flavored one, one time. It was horrible." 

Ron laughed and noticed how cute her nose looked wrinkled. 

Stop thinking these things! You're supposed to be gay! He scolded himself. 

The date continued at the same pace. Ron was slightly falling for Hermione. But how? And every time he started thinking about Draco, he started getting angry or thinking about how mean he used to be to his friends.

God, hormones can really fuck up your life. 

"Oh, gosh!" Hermione suddenly exclaimed, looking at her watch two hours later. "I'm supposed to be meeting Harry at the Three Broomsticks right now!" 

Crap, she suddenly realized. Why did I say that out loud? Now Ron knows I had a date with someone else! He's going to be so sad. And this date was going so well! 

But Ron just laughed. "Sorry, I thought you said you were going on a date with Harry. I must have misheard you," Ron responded.

"Ron, I'm really sorry," Hermione exclaimed, holding Ron's hand tenderly. "This date was going so well but unfortunately I have to see Harry. I hope you don't take this the wrong way. You don't have to disguise your feelings with laughter. You can tell me how you feel." 

Ron continued laughing and managed to blurt out, "No, Hermione, I'm serious. Harry hates you! I don't know why he would ever ask you out." 

"What?" Hermione asked, taken aback. "Harry hates me? But he asked me so genuinely to go out with him. I think you are mistaken, Ron. Harry definitely has feelings for me. 

"Yeah, hatred," Ron replied, rolling his eyes. "Look, I bet it was a bet or something. I mean, that's why I went out with you. That's the only way any guy would go out with you-" 

"What?!" Hermione cried. She felt as though her heart had just been ripped out of her chest, still beating. This couldn't be true! THE DATE WAS GOING SO WELL! "You- you- you lying, cheating- BASTARD!" she whispered harshly, not wanting anyone to know that she'd cursed. 

"No!" Ron shouted, realizing that Hermione had taken what he said completely the wrong way. "You don't understand, Hermione! That's how I felt before, but now I realize that taking that bet was extremely smart of me!" 

"I don't want to hear your excuses, your lies!" Hermione spat at him. Tears were pouring down her face. She angrily stormed out of the shop they were in, causing many turned heads and raised eyebrows. But she didn't care because the one boy she liked had lied to her. Her perfect date was nothing but a joke, a bet. 

Who could have done this? She thought angrily, storming down the streets of Hogsmeade. Suddenly realization came over her like a tidal wave. 

Ginny couldn't date until she could. 

Someone made Ron date her in exchange for something he wanted. 

Then they could date Ginny. 

It was foolproof. 

Until now. 

A/N: I hope you all liked the chapter. Sorry I haven't written in a while. Please review it and give me ideas on what should happen. I feel like this story can only have one or two more chapters and that wouldn't be very fun for the readers. So, if you have any ideas, please email or IM me (email: sailorscout467hotmail.com or bumble472aol.com AIM: c A n a DA x eH) and I'll give you credit!

REMEMBER: REVIEW!


	6. Are You Happy Now?

The Taming of the Brats  
  
Summary: Ginny declares that she won't date any more guys until Hermione does after a recent horrible, heartbreaking break-up of hers. Hermione is a huge loser who will never get a date. This means trouble for boys like Draco Malfoy who want to date Ginny with the burning passion of a thousand winds. Do you smell some juicy deals wafting our way? I do! I do! Read this story full of drugs, alcohol, and stupid dumbasses. Based on as many Shakespearean plays as I can think of but mostly the little bit I know of The Taming of the Shrew. It's also kind of based on 10 Things I Hate About You which is based on The Taming of the Shrew so that would make sense, wouldn't it..  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of these characters (except for Bob). The main storyline is based on Shakespearean plays.  
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
Hermione stormed through the streets of Hogsmeade in a rage. She wanted to grab the nearest person to her and rip their head off.  
  
GOD! How could Ron do that? And to have the nerve to say that he actually enjoyed the date afterwards? That just makes it FIFTY TIMES WORSE! She may as well just go home before the stupid date with Harry if he really hated her and was just bet to do this.  
  
'I mean honestly!' She thought. 'How do you get that mean? How could you actually be that horrible of the person and be so heartless as to do something like that?!?!?!'  
  
She stormed out of Hogsmeade and back to the school as fast as she possible could without killing someone. [A/N: I don't know how they get to and from Hogsmeade, but it always seemed like they walked.. So, sorry if I get this part wrong] She was just so upset and so disappointed. This was the time where she really needed a friend. A friend whose shoulder she could cry on. She used to be such good friends with Ginny, but over the summer when Hermione got her glasses and started reading a lot more and focusing more on her schoolwork (who thought that was possible?!) Ginny kind of separated from her.  
  
'Is there something wrong with me?' Hermione suddenly wondered to herself, stopping in the middle of a staircase to the third floor. She had never really wondered why Ginny had stopped hanging around with her, but she supposed that it was just because her and Ginny had their own interests and their personalities didn't really fit together so well. 'I started wearing glasses and studying more. But I already was studying and paying attention to my schoolwork a lot to begin with.' She was discovering so much that day, so much was coming together in her mind.  
  
'Was this all a coincidence?' she continued wondering. 'I always just assumed it was- now I feel so stupid! Obviously they all hate me because I am the epitome of a nerd. Well, I'm going to show them. I'm going to make myself up like they've never seen anyone made up before. Wait till they see the new Hermione at dinner tonight. Won't they be surprised.' Hermione cackled slightly to herself under her breath as she started up the stairs again, mapping her plan out in her mind.  
  
Step one: Raid Lavender and Parvati's closets to get some major ho-bag clothing. They have so much shit in there that no one would notice anything missing.  
  
Hee, hee... won't this be interesting...  
  
--------- ------------- -------------  
  
Meanwhile, back in Hogsmeade, Draco had been secretly stalking Ginny. He wanted to ask her out so freaking badly but there was something holding him back so he ended up just wandering around several feet behind her.  
  
What was holding him back might have been the fact that the stupid midnight make out with Ron was still bugging him. His feelings were confusing him so much right now he just wanted to delete his memory or something and start a new life as someone else.  
  
Then he suddenly realized something. Maybe if he went out with Ginny then he could find out whether or not he really was gay! Maybe there would be something inside him that told him what his sexual orientation was and maybe if he dated Ginny all his feelings for Ron (if there were any- which there hopefully weren't) would disappear!  
  
'Perfect plan, Draco, if I do say so myself,' he thought to himself arrogantly, smiling smugly and strolling up to Ginny to ask her the "big question".  
  
He walked quickly up to her as though maybe he was scared that someone else would catch her first. And they almost did.  
  
Right as Draco reached Ginny, Seamus Finnegan did, too.  
  
"I need to talk to you, Ginny," the both said at the same time. They looked at each other with annoyed expressions.  
  
"Me first," the both said.  
  
They looked at each other, annoyed, again. Draco sighed angrily. Seamus did something that sounded like a growl.  
  
"Wow... Um... I'm not really sure what to say," Ginny stammered. She was used to having boys fight over her, but not when she was in this state. Who would want to date her when she was all depressed, anyway? And besides, she would just have to inform them that unless Hermione randomly got a guy, then she wasn't up for grabs. "Look, I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone right now. So, maybe I'll talk to you later."  
  
"No, wait," Draco and Seamus said in unison. "Would you stop saying what I say?!" they said again. "God!"  
  
"You know what? Fine- FINE! I'll be the big man here and I'll talk to her later," Seamus spat angrily at Draco.  
  
"Thank you, Finnegan," Draco replied smugly, obviously thinking that he had played some mind game on Seamus causing him to give in.  
  
Seamus stomped off into another street in Hogsmeade while Draco turned to talk to Ginny.  
  
"I've been wanting to ask you this for a while, Ginny," Draco said in the most heartfelt voice he could muster. "But then I heard that you wouldn't date until Hermione did. But I just saw her out with Ron so, I guess you can date again."  
  
"What?!" Ginny cried. "Hermione got a date!? She wasn't supposed to get a date! Not unless... I don't know... someone bribed someone else into doing that-"  
  
"I'm sorry, I won't wait! I won't give in!" Seamus suddenly said, running back up to Draco and Ginny. "I'm not going to just let him have you. Not when I've worked this hard."  
  
"You..." Ginny whispered. "You both... You sick, twisted, horrible people- bribing? Who- no, how? How did you do it? How did you possibly get anyone to date Hermione? Wait, no, let me guess. You got him a date with someone he wanted to go out with? Is that how you did it?"  
  
"Wait, you're trying to tell me that Ron went out with Hermione?" Seamus said, puzzled. "No, you see, Harry did. I gave Harry some nice weed so he'd date that moron. What'd you do for Ron?"  
  
Draco blushed furiously at this question. There was no way he was going to answer it and tell ANYONE what he did.  
  
"If you don't mind, Finnegan," Draco growled. "Ginny and I were having an intimate moment here before you came and interrupted us!"  
  
"Intimate moment?" Ginny asked. "What the hell are you talking about, Malfoy. I personally think both of you are horrible and disgusting people for bribing others into dating poor Hermione. I mean really, what's wrong with you assholes?!"  
  
"I'm really sorry Ginny," Draco apologized, trying to sound sympathetic. "I realize that I did a horrible thing and my errors will never be repeated, but you have to understand, I did this all for my undying love for you. You are amazing Ginny, and this is how badly I want to be with you. Please, Ginny, just one date. Please."  
  
Okay, so maybe half of that was a lie, but Draco was trying to sound as nice as he could! He did find it a rather difficult task, though.  
  
"Oh, bullshit, Malfoy," Ginny replied, waving her hand dismissively in disgust. "I don't buy one bit of your crap. Just give it a rest- both of you! And leave me alone! And Hermione, too."  
  
With that, she turned on her heel and stormed back to Hogwarts just like her own distressed friend had done just moments before.  
  
-------- --------- --------- ---------  
  
A/N: Okay that chapter was a wee bit short but I haven't posted in a while so I thought what the heck and posted it. I hope you all enjoy this one and please review!!!! 


	7. Because I Like to FIGHT!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and the main storyline is based on Shakespearean plays.

----- ----- -----

Chapter Seven 

Hermione yanked open the drawers of Parvati Patil's dresser and began tossing things aside, looking for the best outfit. There was a very short pink shirt that was _very_ off the shoulder. No, that wouldn't do. There was a purple sports bra. No, it wasn't slutty enough. Then she found a gray tank top. Ew, very ugly.

Finally, Hermione's eyes rested upon a very simple top. It was just a plain black tube top, but yet it said so much. Obviously she couldn't wear it to classes since it wasn't part of the uniform, but she could wear it everywhere else!

Now, the next step was to find a bottom. Either really tight pants or a miniskirt would have to work. Wait a minute. A mini skirt. A really mini skirt. A really, really mini skirt. A tube top. A very small tube top. A very, very small tube top.

Tube tops can work as miniskirts.

----- ------ ------

Ginny stormed back to the school in a rage. She could practically feel smoke billowing out through her ears and she thought she might explode any minute now. What the hell did those guys think they were doing? And to poor Hermione, also?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM!?!?!?!

She may think Hermione is the most annoying person on the face of this earth, but that gives them no right to trick her into thinking that boys like her.

She had to do something about this. And she knew just what this was.

Good-bye sex goddess hottie that all boys want to date.

Hello ugly nerd who wouldn't be able to dress herself if her life depended on it.

------ ------ -----

"Nice job, Malfoy!" Seamus spat in Draco's face as they watched Ginny storm off into the distance. "Now she'll never date anyone no matter who dates Hermione!

"Oh, so this is all _my _fault?!" Draco retorted, his face burning with rage. "It makes perfect sense. We both do the same thing but yet you blame it all on ME!

"Exactly, Draco," Seamus explained. "If you hadn't shoved your bony ass into this whole thing we'd be fighting over who would get to date her now that Hermione had a date. But no, you had to try and do it for yourself. Thanks to you, she wouldn't fuck us if we were the last two people on the face of this earth and we had to recreate the human population!!!!

"That made no sense whatsoever, Finnegan," Draco said boredly. "Whatever, I still think you're an asshole!

"What the fuck, Draco?" Seamus argued. "I was trying to tell you that you didn't have to do any work and instead we could just argue with each other about who'd get the girl, but of course not!

"You're so dumb, Finnegan! Get a freaking brain, for Christ's sake!

"Well at least my mom isn't anorexic!

"Well at least my mom isn't the offspring of a pig, horse, and cow!

"Don't you ever diss my mother," Seamus suddenly said quietly and seriously. Then, without hesitation, he flung his arm out and punched Draco right across the face, causing blood to fly everywhere, spewing out of Draco's pointed nose.

"What the hell, Finnegan?" Draco cried, wiping his nose and staring at the deep red blood. "You dissed my mom first, you moron!

"Well I don't give a flying fuck!" Seamus replied, attempting to throw another punch. But Draco was too quick. He caught Seamus's arm in midair and punched him back.

"Fuck you, bastard!" Seamus shouted.

At this point, a crowd had gathered around the two immature boys.

"Fight, fight, fight, fight!" people were chanting. Among the crowd were Ron and Harry.

"Whoa, what's going on?" Ron asked Harry.

"I have no idea," Harry answered. "I was just sitting in the Three Broomsticks waiting for Hermione when I suddenly heard a lot of shouting.

"Oh yea," Ron said, suddenly remembering about Hermione and Harry's mysterious date. "That is something just as strange as this sudden fight, why the hell would you go out on a date with Hermione Granger? Was it a bet?

"Yeah," Harry responded. "Seamus gave me some mad awesome weed in exchange for it. How'd you hear about our date?

"Well, Hermione told me during _our_ date," Ron told Harry, raising his eyebrows.

"Seriously!?" Harry asked, surprised. "Who made you do it? And what'd they give you.

"You promise not to tell _anyone_?" Ron said, a little bit reluctant to tell Harry his big secret.

Harry shrugged and said, "Who would I tell?

"No one, I guess," Ron replied. "Okay, so I'll tell you. Remember that time that Seamus and I were talking about someone named ÔYou-Know-Who'? Well, that was a codename for Malfoy and truthfully, I have a little bit of a crush on him. Actually, I don't really think I do anymore. But I did. And Draco decided that he'd make out with me if I asked Hermione out.

"Whoa, man," Harry replied, stunned. "And you didn't tell me that? Jesus, that's crazy. You liking Malfoy? That's just... Wrong... But, whatever floats your boat, man.

The two boys were too busy wallowing in their own conversation to notice Lavender and Parvati listening to their conversation intently.

"So no one really has a crush on You-Know-Who?" Lavender asked, upset. "Oh damn, we lost one of our gossip topics.

"Not completely," Parvati replied reassuringly. "We just found out that Ron Weasley's gay.

"Oh yea!" Lavender squealed. "But he said he didn't like Malfoy anymore.

"When have we ever told the whole truth before?" Parvati inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, good point," Lavender answered.

Meanwhile, Draco and Seamus were still duking it out when finally Draco, who had toppled to the ground a few moments before, just reached up with bloody vision and aimlessly grabbed Seamus's balls and twisted them around as hard as he could. He didn't give a crap, he wanted to cause this fuck as much pain as he possibly could.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Seamus screamed at the top of his lungs. He fell to the ground, clutching his goods that were probably no longer good and wouldn't be for quite sometime.

Draco would have laughed silently to himself, but for now he was way too beaten up. He was barely even conscious.

------ -------- -------

Ginny stumbled wearily up the staircase to the girls' dormitories. She wasn't paying attention, so she accidentally went into the sixth year girls' room and her eyes fell upon a strange girl she had never seen before. This girl was wearing a tiny black skirt that could pass as a belt, a little white shirt that Ginny thought at first was a bra, and she was wearing so much makeup she was virtually unrecognizable.

This was the reason that Ginny didn't realize until right then that she was staring right at Hermione and the only reason how she did realize who it was, was that she recognized her frizzy hair.

What the hell had Hermione done to herself?!?!

"Her-Hermione?" Ginny stammered, surprised beyond belief.

"That's me," Hermione replied smugly, folding her arms slightly self-consciously across her almost bare chest.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God," Ginny said, her jaw practically hitting the floor.

Hermione smiled, satisfied. Her work was done and it had been done properly.

When Ginny had finally recovered moments later, she asked Hermione if she could borrow some of her clothes.

It was a deal.

---------- --------- -------

A/N: That was the last chapter! I'm going to make an epilogue but I don't really have the time to continue this story so I'm just going to write out quickly what happened in the next chapter without like actually describing it. I hope you guys don't mind too much! And I don't think there were very many fans for this story, anyway, so hopefully I won't be letting too many people down.

But please R&R and I'll write more stories soon! I have some ideas...


	8. Epilogue The End

Dislcaimer: I don't own it.

Epilogue:

I have to write this fast so, here goes...

Draco and Seamus went back to the castle and were spotted by Madam Pomfrey. Both of them were ordered to ice their faces, while Seamus also had to ice his balls- or his "front bum" as Madam Pomfrey liked to call it.

Hermione became a slut and Ginny a nerd and pretty much their lives were switched and the new eye candy for all the boys was Hermione. Ginny liked her new life, though.

Lavender and Parvati went on spreading insane rumors and Ron Weasley was now out of the closet, although he wasn't really gay anymore.

Draco was shunned for a little while because people believed that he was gay also, but eventually it all died down and people stopped caring.

Seamus was forever laughed at because he was seen waddling around with an ice pack on his dick.

Harry continued smoking pot at midnight but always avoided that scarring seventh floor corridor.

The End


End file.
